


stand up and shout about human suffering and why we keep on living

by katieisperalda



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crossover, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4638828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katieisperalda/pseuds/katieisperalda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamada Ryosuke. So-so theoretical skills and logic, but amazing stamina and flexibility. Extremely fast in acquiring new techniques. His most valuable ability is to effectively gather comrades’ trust. Potential ace.<br/>Yuto knew how to deal with “potential ace”. They broke just like anybody else. And when it came to becoming a half-chewed mess of bones and flesh spit from a Titan’s mouth, really, everybody looked the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stand up and shout about human suffering and why we keep on living

**Author's Note:**

  * For [incandescence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/incandescence/gifts).



> Recipient-san, I'm sorry I didn't really follow a lot of your prompts - I saw 'crossover' and 'nakajima angst' and my imagination just ran with it xD (Your prompts were all very inspiring though! I was actually going to try another one - which you might have preferred I think - but then I got stuck at 1 particular part of the plot T.T)  
> I'm not sure if you like/follow SnK, but even if you don't, hopefully it would not be too distracting from the story. And I hope the warning didn't put you off too. I considered checking with you about it but I also wanted it to be a surprise. I'm so sorry if you don't like it!  
> All in all, I really really hope this is good enough, and I'm so sorry if it falls short of your expectations ;u;  
> Please enjoy :)

_It is year 850. News is spreading through the walls that Humanity may have found a breakthrough in the status quo of being cornered by Titans, in the form of Eren Jaeger. A newly-graduated trainee of the 104 th Training Squad, Eren demonstrated the ability to shape-shift into a Titan at the Battle of the Trost District, which led to Humanity’s first victory against Titans. Although opinions about his powers are divided, the Survey Corps believes that Eren is the key to defeating the Titans, and thus builds their subsequent strategies around him.  _

_This story takes place before all that._

 

He was standing on a roof top flooded with the red of the setting sun. The strong west-ward wind threatened to knock him off the roof, and he wanted nothing more than to duck down –

(And hide, and run for cover, and curl himself into a fetal position - )

but that would restrict his field of vision, and the normal 180 degrees field was not enough as it was. He tried to make up for it by tensing up on his feet, rotating himself around, darting his eyes as far as he could.

Even that could not prevent him from the shock of having his uniform drenched red after a blood-curling “crack” from his right. Above the nearby roof top, he could see a gigantic raised hand –

Shaking one of his comrades like a rag doll.

Another “crack”. The head of the body lolled around in an inhuman 360 degrees.

He had hardly swallowed his bile when he felt himself hoisted up from behind. Like a slow-motion scene, he turned his head around and found himself staring into anthropoid eyes that were too humongous to be humans.

Only when he was peering into the deep red abyss that was the creature’s mouth did he remember how to scream.

 

Yuto woke with a start. For a moment he could not move, and he thought he was still in the Titan’s grasp. The cold sweat that he must have broken into in his dreams did not help, its sticky texture too much of a reminder to the blood he had been –

No. Don’t think that, he told himself strictly.

He moved down from his bunk bed, careful not to disturb the others. Judging by the sun, it was only 5 o’clock. The Survey Corps tended to get _very_ sensitive about their resting time.

But then, they were really not in a position to get sensitive about other things. Like surviving. Or seeing their comrades eaten. Or getting eaten themselves.

Or waking up thinking that today may be their last day. Or strapping on their Maneuver Gear together with their squad and wondering who will still remain after an expedition.

Before they chose their division after training, the commander spelt it out clearly enough for them: If you get sensitive about these things, you most likely will not survive in the Survey Corps.

Which, frankly, already had an extremely low survival rate anyway.

 

At 6 o’clock sharp, the room was filled with a collective alarm sound. The room’s occupants moved as one, slipping out of their bed sheets, changing into their uniforms. There was a hustle for the bathroom as usual, but they were all experienced enough not to fuss about who went in first. There would be enough time for everyone, just like there had been in the last three years.

Yuri caught up with Yuto when the latter was moving to the dining hall for breakfast.

“What got into you today? You woke up so early,” said Yuri cheerfully, swinging his right arm around Yuto. He was aiming for Yuto’s shoulder, but their height difference meant he could only reached Yuto’s back.

“A dream,” Yuto mumbled.

“Oh,” said Yuri, all jovial tones dropped from his voice. Every soldier knew what that kind of answer meant.

“Well, the recruitment is today. I hope there are more of them this year; last year’s numbers was so disappointing.”

Yuto let Yuri continue, nodding his head and saying “yeah” at all the right times. The shorter guy had always been pumped up about recruitment and new members and how brave all the people who choose the Survey Corps would be.

Yuto wondered how Yuri managed to hold on to their beliefs after three years seeing all the damages that a single Titan can wreck upon them.

 

The training camps had traditionally been placed in close vicinity to the Survey Corps Headquarters. Part of the reason was because the Survey Corps boasted the best and most experienced soldiers, who would take turn to be instructors to the trainees. The other reason was that the Survey Corps, being the least popular division among the three, was given the unique opportunity to appeal to the trainees before they apply for their position. If Yuto’s experience was anything to go by, by the time the trainees were asked to choose division it was already too late to change their minds. Especially after the Fall of Wall Maria three years ago, and the subsequent expedition from which only 1 in every 100 soldiers made it back. But Squad Leader Hange insisted there was no harm in trying, so every year the leaders of the Corps would mount their horses and ride to the training camps, on a mission to convince as many people as possible to die for humanity’s victory.

The Trainees Squad had already stood at attention when they marched into the drill field. Yuto fell into his position as the Team Leader of Team 5. His eyes apprised the trainees coolly – the odds were that one out of twenty people he saw now would become his comrades, and any efforts towards bonding can be saved for later. It was the usual bunch: people of all genders, races, skin colors and heights, standing straight with their right fist in the middle of their chests. Their eyes burned with the fire of determination and pride three years of hard military training had a way of giving people.

In his head, Yuto played a guessing game as to who will join the Survey Corps. Three years in the Corps was enough experience for him: there was always something expressed in their eyebrows, their eyes, a certain way they set their lips; always that extra headstrongness that distinguished them from the others. Always a dash of foolish idealistic belief that was almost pitiful to watch as it was doused in the final realization of how real and terrible the Titans could be.

Commander Erwin stepped up to the middle platform, and Yuto knew what was coming. The speech changed little from when he entered the Corps, and it had a feeling of being like that since the beginning of times.

“The Survey Corps is always in search of talented members. With great losses after every mission, we constantly suffer from personnel shortage.”

_As if they did not know that. Especially those who hailed from the Districts, where squads from the Survey Corps passed by every month on their way to the outside, only to return defeated, half of their members missing. As a child, Yuto had witnessed it so many times that he lost count, and running to watch them coming through the gates back in Humanity’s land became more like a mindless habit than an anticipated novelty._

“I’m not going to hide anything from you. Our most pressing aim right now is to establish a supply route to Wall Maria, and subsequently retake the Wall. Those of you who will choose to join the Corps will have to participate in a Survey expedition outside the walls in one month from now. The probability of new recruits dying during an expedition to the outer lands was 50%, I think.”

_Yes. Stun them with the statistics, please. Make them reconsider._

“Those who manage to survive, however, will become excellent soldiers with high survival rate. The Survey Corps boasts some of the best soldiers fighting for Humanity.”

_As if with prior agreement, all eyes looked to Levi Ackerman, and Yuto felt like he was part of the new recruits again, when three years ago, he had looked upon the most powerful soldier of Humanity with reverence and pride. But right now he would also really want to know if the Captain had ever looked at a recruit and thought about when he would die._

"The Survey Corps asks a lot of its soldiers. You will be expected to face Titans head on, and engage in battles with them. One of these days you will be asked to go and die.”

_Yes. So don’t. Run. Save yourself. You may not be able to control your life but don’t let your death be under somebody else’s order._

“But if you are willing to stand up for human suffering and for why Humanity keeps on fighting, we welcome you to the Corps.”

_Three years ago, Yuto would have held his head high and cheered inwardly at the sentiment. It had sounded so grandiose – him, a fighter for humanity itself, together with his comrades, shining a new light on mankind’s future beyond the walls. But words are just words, and the thing about them is that they had a way of twisting themselves around in your head easily. Especially after you had witnessed no less than twenty comrades being eaten by Titans, each time hoping against hope it would get less devastating with experience._

_It never did._

_Three years ago, he had been so … naïve, so blissfully unaware about the nature of humans – greedy creatures who care about little but their own preservation. His years travelling with the Corps had shown him more ugly sides of humanity than he ever asked for: officials expecting bribes as if it was their rights, landlords paying their workers with less than a loaf of bread a day, company directors threatening the people with underground connections._

_Most glaring of all is how the nobles of the innermost wall treat the Survey Corps – the only military division actively working to restore what humanity once was – as an outsider faction, dissenters looking to disturb the status quo, who waste manpower on fruitless expeditions. They maintained the Survey Corps grudgingly; only as a means to illustrate their ancient promise to the populace that one day mankind will reclaim what was theirs._

_It was a stupid system: banking everything it had on the expectation that most soldiers withhold a strong sense of moral courage, and then punishing these same soldiers who were the closest in saving humanity – as if they had not been punished enough with the highest mortality rates amongst the three divisions. No wonder the number of new recruits to the Survey Corps dwindled every year. Actually: Never mind the Corps, it was a miracle the whole military system managed to survive this long._

“Let me reiterate this again: Most of those who decide to stay here and enter the Survey Corps will probably be dead soon. Listen to your heart very closely and ask yourselves if you really have got what it takes to sacrifice your life to protect humanity.”

_No, humanity does not need protecting. The only ones worthy of protecting are the ones you love. The ones who you absolutely cannot allow to die._

“Those of you who are still willing to put your life on the line despite learning about the dreadful state of affairs, stay here. Those wanting to join the other divisions, dismissed.”

_Then why is he still here?_

He did not need to look too hard to know that the majority of the recruits were leaving. On his left, Yuri rose tentatively on his toes to look over his Team Leader’s shoulder, estimating their numbers. It was definitely not to his approval. When he finally set his feet back on the ground, his face was pulled into a deep frown. Yuri was like that: despite the well-known fact that less than 10% of new recruits choose the Survey Corps, he never gave up hope that a large batch would turn up one year.

“Alright! I welcome everybody here to the Survey Corps! I salute your bravery! Dedicate your lives to the cause!”

“Yessir!” sounded the new recruits collectively.

“Tomorrow you are expected at our Headquarters at 8a.m. There you will receive your Survey Corps uniform, your new 3-D Maneuver Gears, as well as be assigned into teams. Then the Team Leaders will guide you through our daily basis.”

_Oh, that reminds him. Team Leader._

_Much as he did not want to admit it, he was here because he was good at it. It was the only thing that he was ever good at. The only thing he ever got recognition for his skills. In other words, his reason for staying in the Corps was every bit as selfish as the human nature that makes him want out in the first place._

_Doesn’t that make him a deplorable hypocrite?_

“Dismissed!” Erwin’s sharp voice rang across the camp. Against his better judgment, Yuto glanced back to the new recruits as he moved to get his horse. They were all gathered together, probably discussing about their (suicidal) choice. In the vast drill field, the group looked pathetically small. Titan bite-sized, even.

 

There were 17 new recruits in the 102nd Survey Corps, of which 1 was assigned to Team 5. One too many, Yuto thought, as he looked at the young member with dismal eyes: one more life for them to watch over, to train with, to know the life story of, only to have his last moments, dangling from the grasp of a Titan in another hopeless mission, seared into their nightmares.

“My name is Yamada Ryosuke, from the Karanese District, sir! I’m willing to fight for the advance of mankind!”

Yuto forced his mouth into what he hoped was a smile.

“That’s the spirit! But you don’t have to call me “sir”. Yuto will do. In the Survey Corps, we are all equal in ranks. Do you have your bag with you? Ok, I’ll show you to your cabin. Then we’ll meet with the rest of the team.”

“Yessir! I mean,” Yamada quickly added when he saw Yuto’s raised eyebrow, “Yuto… -senpai.”

Yuto grimaced at the word.

“You don’t need “senpai” as well.”

“But I feel rude addressing you without a title, senpai.”

Yuto was going to rebut, but the determination and seriousness in Yamada’s eyes made him think twice.

It was not that important anyway, right?

“Fine, call me whatever you feel comfortable with. Let’s go?”

He wondered if he had been like that too, three years ago, all polite and enthusiastic and ready to die for the cause. It had been right after the Fall of Wall Maria, and unlike his fellow trainees, he was even _more_ encouraged to join the Survey Corps, eager to be part of mankind’s retaliation. He was in the Northern Branch of the Trainee Squad, and by the time news reached the Camp its only effect was to fuel the fire inside the trainees’ heart as they vow to avenge for humanity.

Of the 32 recruits who chose the Survey Corps that year, 29 came from the Northern Branch.

4 made it back home alive after the expedition to retake Wall Maria, in which Yuto thought he had seen enough waking nightmares to last him for a lifetime – or more, consider how he would probably not survive that long.

 

Just as Commander Erwin promised, they headed out for a Survey expedition exactly one month after the recruitment. The aim, as always, was to stay alive and return with as little casualty as possible. For the most part, Yuto would say they did a good job: about 80% of them made it back, which was significantly higher than the average 60% he was used to.

The new recruits took it hard, however. They had encountered a deviant type Titan shortly after leaving the Wall, and even before the withdrawal signal 8 were already reported as dead. Another died on the way back to Headquarters due to excessive blood loss. The Corps always made it a point to protect the new recruits, assigning their teams to safer positions in the middle of the formation. But deviant types were unpredictable, and encounters with such kind often rendered any strategy useless.

Yuto was on his way to the 3-D Maneuver Gear maintenance shack when he saw the remaining recruits. They looked so worn-out and obviously nerve-wrecked, gathering together to find comfort in each other. Yuto faintly recalled how three years ago he and his friends did the same thing.

“He was caught in front of me. If he was riding slower or I was riding faster it could have very likely been me,” a girl said with shaking voice.

“They are so big,” said a boy whose head was covered with thick bandage.

“You don’t say,” said another boy. The intended sarcasm got lost on the way to his lips, and what came out was a hollow response.

No one seemed to have anything to say to this, and Yuto was just about to move away, embarrassed by his eaves-dropping, when he heard his name:

“Yuto-senpai saved me. A Titan caught my leg, and I thought I was going to die, but out of nowhere he jumped onto its arm and sliced its hand off. Killed it too, even before I hit the ground.”

“Oh, isn’t he the one our instructor was always mentioning during Gear Training? I heard he graduated as one of the top ten,” one of the boy who previously had his head between his knees perked up.

“Yup, he really is amazing,” continued the first voice. “He has one of the highest kill records right now – I think it was twenty something assist kills –“

The admiring “wow” was unanimous.

“And fourteen solo kills, I’m sure of that.”

The girl who had spoken earlier piped in:

“I saw my Team Leader Eld in action as well! He was caught by surprise by a Titan, and I thought he was done for, but he did this thing with his Maneuver Gear that made him swing immediately backwards away from it, and at the same time turn the propelling gas towards its face. I really want to learn that move!”

“Talking about awesome moves, did anybody see Dita and Luke’s combination attack? That was seriously cool!”

“But Captain Levi must be the coolest, OK? He was like, spinning through the Titans, taking down four or five of them in one go! Man, I really don’t know how he does all that without feeling dizzy!”

“And I never expected Hange to be so aggressive on the fields!”

Suddenly the somber mood that encapsulated the new recruits previously was washed away by cheers and excitement, as they talked over each other about the best actions they witnessed during the expedition. Yuto’s name cropped up in the conversation two or three more times, along with names of his comrades, attached with the most flattering adjectives one could think of: brave, courageous, dependable, calm, defiant.

He definitely did not remember this part from three years ago.

As Yuto walked away, he could hear the voice that had first mention his name rang clear from the messy warble that was a conversation:

“Let’s do our best so that one day we’ll be as good as our senpai!”

 _This guy is good._ Yuto could imagine what his instructor at Trainee Squad would have written in his report:

_Yamada Ryosuke. So-so theoretical skills and logic, but amazing stamina and flexibility. Extremely fast in acquiring new techniques. His most valuable ability is to effectively gather comrades’ trust. Potential ace._

He smirked inwardly at the phrase. Yuto knew how to deal with “potential ace”; he used to be one himself. All above-standard abilities asides, they broke just like anybody else. In the Survey Corps, we are all equal in ranks – and in post-traumatic stress disorder. If that was not a good enough leveler, when it came to becoming a half-chewed mess of bones and flesh spit from a Titan’s mouth, really, everybody looked the same.

 

“Yuto! I’ve been looking forever for you! One of our horses had … something happened to his shoes, he’s been walking with a limp ever since we came back.”

Yuto turned to see a breathless Squad Leader Dita running towards him.

“He’s in the stable?”

“Yup. Let me take those woods for you. Can you run?” he glanced down to Yuto’s bandaged leg.

“I’ll walk very fast,” Yuto said, already turning towards the stable.

The horse in question turned out to have a twisted shoe, and one of the nails was scraping against the sensitive part of his hoof. Although only the most experienced people got to shoe the horses, accidents like this happened often. Then again, everyday shoeing did not account for all the crazy situations a horse may be in on a Survey Corps expedition. Perhaps a Titan had reached for its rider, and the movement had caused it to fall sideways in an odd position, or perhaps the frantic gallop at which it sometimes had to ride on an uneven terrain, or perhaps both at once.

Yuto had to carefully extract the old shoe out – at the same time putting up with the tantrum the horse was throwing. He then limped to the back shelf, grabbed a bottle of disinfectant and a roll of bandage, and instantly thought about how Charlotte would be able to do a much better job than him.

No, don’t think that, he told himself, as he hobbled back to his stool and a very irritated horse. Charlotte was gone, and Lukas – well, people usually tend to stop working at the stables when they have their leg bitten off. So Yuto would just have to swallow it up and get to work.

Yuto had just finished dabbing disinfectant on the hoof – and barely avoiding a kick in the face – when the stable door flung open. A flurry of a shadow rushed in, but stopped dead as it saw him.

“Senpai?” Yamada Ryosuke.

“Erm, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in here. Sorry. I’ll just, erm, go now. Sorry,” the guy bowed his head, and then disappeared as quickly as he had entered.

Yuto thought he heard a sob. He contemplated following Ryosuke, but shook his head and went back to the injured horse. The sky looked threatening, and he definitely did not want to trek back to the stables to continue his work after the ceremony.

 

The list this time was long. Yuto was not counting, but he could tell: the sun was setting when they started, and now it had all but disappeared behind the horizon. He could only keep his attention until Laurenz’s name was called. Laurenz was from his Team, 2 years his senior. He was a great hand at whittling wood. Yuto still had a horse figurine he carved –

No. No. No. Don’t think.

Don’t think.

He couldn’t.

Just when Commander Erwin stepped up to bid farewell to their fallen comrades, he couldn’t not think anymore.

“DAMN THIS FIGHTING! DAMN THESE EXPEDITIONS! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ACHIEVING, HUH? OTHER THAN THE WASTE OF COUNTLESS LIVES?”

He paused, taking in a deep breath, then turned towards his fellow soldiers.

“DON’T YOU GUYS SEE YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR DEATH? DON’T SAY YOU ARE NOT, BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ARE! WHAT CHANCES DO WE HAVE AGAINST THEM? WE ARE ALL GONNA END UP LIKE THEM!”

But no one batted an eyelash.

“WHAT THE - ?”

Then Yuto’s mouth was covered with a black cloth from behind. The last thing he saw before his eyes were forced close by chloroform was the Survey Corps, still standing with their right hand on their chest, as the Commander continued talking as if nothing had interrupted the ceremony.

 

How Yuto wished he could have done this. Every ceremony the thought came to mind, and with experience, Yuto forced himself not to _think_ , to immerse his mind in a dreamlike trance, to put his body on auto-pilot, to listen quietly to the final words by the Commander bidding farewell, to step up quietly to take one of the torches and light the pyre, to salute, quietly, once more before the burning mass of bodies upon bodies.

To do anything but stand up and shout about what a waste of young life this had been.

As he moved back to the cabin, he was surprised to hear sounds from the training ground. Nobody had the spirits to train right after an expedition, much less after a ceremony, which had a way of dampening even the best and noblest cause.

If that was so, clearly Yamada Ryosuke was nobody, because even from a distance Yuto could make out his distinctive silhouette dancing between the Titan cardboard figures and felling them with a cut at the neck. Then picking them up. Again and again.

By the fourth time Ryosuke struck down the cardboards, Yuto had come to a decision. If he was not going to save the Survey Corps, he was going to save this one boy.

 

“Captain Levi, he’s the one who invented the Double-Edged Sword Technique… And Squad Leader Dita – that’s our Squad Leader – and Luke are famous for their combination… And Commander Erwin, don’t assume that he is only good at devising strategy! He could rival the most powerful soldiers in battle. And, who else, Hange …”

“Ryosuke!” Yuto called.

“Oh, that’s my Team Leader calling. I gotta run, see you!”

Yuto watched as Ryosuke bid goodbye to the new recruit that he had been talking to, and ran towards him.

“Senpai?”

“I’ve got something to show you. Come.”

 

Yuto pushed open the door to Cabin 102. Ryosuke followed him, and he could tell that the boy was burning with questions. That was good, he did not know how to start this after all.

Yuto looked around at the sleeping mats and hammocks, wondering which one used to be his. He remembered when his batch was recruited, the first thing they did was to rearrange everything. It was the closest thing to changing the beddings that they could do.

“Yuto-senpai? What do you want to show me?”, said Ryosuke hesitantly.

“Which one is yours, Ryosuke?”

Yuto could see a flicker of confusion on the boy’s face, but he still pointed to one near the window.

“This one.”

Yuto approached the tattered piece of cloth. There was a blue-ish stain on its right side. Kai’s, then.

“Yuto-senpai? Are you sure we are in the right place? The only things here are our own belongings.”

“The guy who slept here… he had his right leg bitten off by a Titan. During our first excursion. His body was never recovered. Then this one…” Yuto moved to a nearby mat. “This girl was amazing. One of the best horse rider I’ve ever seen. She wasn’t in my team, so I didn’t know what happened. But we found her left upper body. This one belonged to Carlo – picked from his horse, devoured whole. Then this one –“

“What’s the point you’re trying to make, Yuto-senpai?”

Yuto had to admit, he was impressed with how chilly Ryosuke’s voice had suddenly become.

“Ryosuke, Titans are mindless human-destroyers. Their only goal is to eat humans. It’s impossible! You can train all you want, and you’ll still be like bugs underneath their feet, waiting to be trampled! No matter how fast you can ride your horse, they will overtake you – and tear your body apart! They – “

“I know.” Ryosuke looked at him, voice still minus eighty degrees, eyes still set like the first time they met, but for the first time, Yuto could not fathom the glint in them.

“Why aren’t you scared?” Yuto asked, surprised at how his voice barely came out.

“I AM! EVERY SINGLE EXCURSION, EVERY BATTLE! BUT IT DOES NOT HELP TO BE SCARED!”

Ryosuke leaned against a nearby pole, as if the outburst had taken every ounce of strength from him.

“Being scared does not help me; it does not help anybody else. Do you think the soldiers want to know they are riding to certain doom?”

“THEY DESERVE TO KNOW THE TRUTH!” Yuto lost his calm disposition.

“THE TRUTH? ABOUT WHAT? WE KNOW WHAT THE TITANS ARE CAPABLE OF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! WHY DO YOU THINK WE STAY?” Ryosuke breathed heavily. “Here’s the only truth I know: If we don’t fight, we won’t win. And I would give anything to ensure that just one more person holds their spirit and continues fighting. Excuse me, Nakajima- _senpai_.”

With that, Ryosuke bowed and excited the Cabin, leaving Yuto in the advancing darkness.

 

Yuto thought Ryosuke would have reported him to Hange or Erwin, or at least gossiped about it with his teammates. But a week, then two passed without any signs from the leaders or his peers. The only remnant of their feud was the slight awkwardness whenever Yuto and Ryosuke trained together, though the boy remained as polite as ever.

It was during this time that they had their recruitment trip. Yuto saw Ryosuke in every pair of determined eyes, burning with desire to fight and avenge.

 

They had only just fallen back to their normal routine when news arrived that the Southern training camp in Trost was under attack. Yuto could sense panic spreading out through their Headquarter, as people rushed to prepare their gears and get horses. The last time the gate was breached was 5 years ago, and only now did Yuto realise how few had experienced a Titan attack on a city.

“Remember what I told you: always start from higher grounds, there is more vision and it is less stressful for your body when using the 3D Gear. Never ever limit your vision, stay out in the open. If you had to choose between running and hiding, do not hide. If you feel like you’re running out of gas, go straight back to the camp. The Titans haven’t reached here yet.”

His team left as Yuto settled the horses. He tried to recall if any of them trained in running. Maybe about four or five every morning, perhaps five more on the weekends.

What a high price they would have to pay to learn the lesson and make it compulsory.

 

He did not know why, but Ryosuke’s voice asking why he thought they stayed kept ringing in his head as he was on his 4th kill in 5 minutes.

He was on top of a building, gathering on another one, his blade held high for a certain dead strike, when he saw movements on the street to his right.

Without a second thought, Yuto jumped and swung across the street, pushing Ryosuke away from the road. He swung around with his 3D gear, and sliced the neck of the crawling titan midair.

“Do you have enough gas? Get to higher grounds!” He shouted to the boy. With a start, Rypsuke nodded and moved out of sight.

All the while, Yuto could still hear Ryosuke’s question ringing in his head.

 

His team lost three in the battle. But it did not really matter, does it, Yuto bitterly thought, because they had discovered Eren Jaeger, who Hange believed was the solution to all this Titan problem.

Commander Erwin and Captain Levi organized a small team, including Yuto and Ryosuke, to protect Eren as they made their way to the inner city of Sina. Clearly there was to be some discussion with the nobles before they decided what to do with him, but Yuto was not privy to the details.

After an hour waiting outside of the castle’s gate, Yuto and the other members of the team not important enough to meet the nobles found themselves free to do what they wanted. Most of them had never been to Sina before, and immediately went to explore the city.

“Yuto-senpai, are you not going?” Ryosuke asked. The boy was clearly as eager to go off as his teammates, but at the last minute had tentatively turned back to Yuto.

“I’ve been to Sina before. You go and enjoy yourself,” Yuto forced out a smile. He had a faint idea of the conversation they would have, and even in his mind it did not sound appealing, not at a time like this.

It had only been 30 minutes max, and Yuto was getting bored with refusing the peddlers that approached him with their wares when he heard shouting on the next street. He rushed to the scene to find Ryosuke face to face with a middle-aged man, who Yuto recognized – with a sinking fear – as one of the nobles.

“But he did not mean to do it! He was just walking on the street!”

“So? Did he have to kick my daughter’s doll?” The noble was red-faced, his big belly heaving with every sentence. “You, boy, where is your father? You have to pay for that doll! I don’t care how you do it, but I warn you, it was custom-made, and – “

“Hey! It was your daughter’s fault for letting the doll crawl to the street!”

The crowd around them coiled back.

 “Whose fault did you say it was, boy?” The noble raised his hand, his face furious.

“Sorry, sir, is my subordinate causing you any trouble?” said Yuto, trying to appear as casual as possible.

The noble put his hand down.

“Hmm. Tell him to step aside while I punish a boy that was definitely in the wrong.”

“Ah, sorry, I don’t think I got you, sir. What did this boy do again?”

“He broke my daughter’s doll! Now, isn’t that enough reason for punishment? These people, they don’t understand the cost, the preciousness of things like these, never appreciate them – “

“You mean, this one?” Yuto bent down to pick up the doll lying on the sidewalk. It was a crafty piece of mechanic, but nothing unfamiliar, and nothing was broken beyond repair. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong, though? Have you tried it again? Here, look.” Yuto turned the knob at the side of the doll and set it on the ground. The doll moved forward, shaking his head.

The noble man looked at Yuto, then at the doll with disbelief. Then without another word, he snatched the doll from where it was crawling and went into his house, shutting his door with a bang.

“How did you do it, Yuto-senpai?”, wondered Ryosuke as they rode back to the castle, neither of them in the mood to wander around. “I mean, he tried it first, and it really was broken!”

“My father was a blacksmith. I used to take things to a mechanic nearby.”

“Ah,” said Ryosuke. He paused for a while, then said: “Thank you for rescuing me.”

“It was nothing. Good work you did there too. Seldom do I see people standing up to nobles.”

Ryosuke blushed. “It was … a foolish decision actually. As in, not that I regret doing it, but I did it before I thought about it. If I had thought about it, I probably wouldn’t have done it at all. You know what I mean?”

Yuto decidedly dodged the question. “I think I see Levi. Let’s ride faster.”

 

Erwin and Levi managed to convince the nobles of their decision to keep Eren Jaeger in the Survey Corps. He was to join the Southern Division, which had now been established as the forefront of the Corps, considering its position to the hole in Wall Maria.

A few days later, Erwin announced an expedition. This time they would be using one of Erwin’s new formations. Yuto listened attentively at the team leader meeting, because he was supposed to pass on the information about the positions to his team. Besides that, he wondered what improvements it can make on their dismal survival rates.

 

“I met Mikasa Ackerman today,” said Yuri, as he and Yuto filled the water troughs in the stable. They had moved to the Southern division’s camp in preparation for the expedition. So did everyone in the Corps, and the camp was so full of people and activities that this was the only place to have a proper conversation without people interrupting every few minutes.  

“The top recruit in the new Training Squad?”

Yuri nodded, “I saw her train. Her techniques – she really is something. If everyone is like her, we have a huge chance.”

“I bet a lot of people are like her. And then they went to join the Military Police.”

Yuri twitched his lips, but did not say anything. Their five years of friendship had taught him that silence was the best reply to Yuto’s bitterness. Instead, he kept his eyes fixed on the bucket of water he was filling.

After a while, he added what he hoped to sound like an off-hand remark.

“I heard she is in the Survey Corps to protect Eren. You know, the Titan Shifter.”

“Really,” said Yuto, but it did not sound like a question, and Yuri did not respond.

 

The formation broke in less than 3 hours, much to Yuto’s surprise – he had doubts about it, but it was a good strategy.

But clearly not good enough for a deviant type.

It was going straight towards his team.

A green flare shot up the sky. Order to fight.

He pulled the reigns, 3D blades at the ready. There was a tree 5 metres away, a bit too far for his taste, but it would do –

The Titan had suddenly sped up, and was closing in on –

Without thinking, he shot his anchor straight at the Titan’s calf.

It stopped for half a second, but that was enough for Ryosuke to move right and out of the way.

Yuto felt himself being hoisted up by the pulling force of the contracting steel string, the movement wobbly, uncontrollable, unlike what he was used to –

_He saw Erwin, on the day of his own recruitment, talking his trite sentiments. “But if you are willing to stand up for human suffering and for why Humanity keeps on fighting, we welcome you to the Corps.”_

He was then flung to one side by the force of the Titan’s leg.

_He saw Eren turning into a Titan in one of his practice with Hange, his powers not yet controlled, but held great potential._

He felt it, albeit in a split second, when he broke his neck against a tree.

_And all those images faded, replaced by Ryosuke’s turning back, as he rode away from the Titan and their losing battle._

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from 31_days@lj.


End file.
